I like my neighbour's house; it's our intimate version of a parallel universe. This is where my kitchen is, the grey dustbin in the same corner - but the view is another room, not trees, and no more children in the house. We are the last ones.
I turned 18 so quickly I did not notice it. It was just my parents and sister and I for my birthday dinner, then long telephone conversations with those I seldom see anymore, lying on the cold marble floor in the dark. This year it does not seem so bad to get older. The next day my mother left on the third trip that is not-exactly-a-holiday. Her mum passed away today. I hate to think of her travelling alone and returning alone because the airport is no longer my rose-coloured portal, it's just going away and losing a bit of yourself each time. Or waiting hours when typhoons in Japan wreck the flights, when no one is familiar.
I went specially to the Montblanc Walk, Don't Run exhibit today and admired the shots of Cate Blanchett, Milla Jojovich, but especially Gisele, who captured unabashedly playful masculinity in every sinew of her movement. Everyone loves their photographs. But when I say - I will miss you and remember you, with this, is it you or what I want to see in you?

You know how Bilbo said he felt like "butter spread thinly over a piece of bread" or something like that? Spot-on for me now, only I guess he meant he felt old while I just feel overextended. Multi-tasking is not one of my strengths, nor is being charming or asking the right questions, reading things one way... I knew I forgot something. See, I did.
I'm going to be attacked by pdf files in my sleep. I don't know why I imagined that I could march through applications a la "be a warrior, Hilary Faye!" with cool patience and steeliness, whatever. And if I don't start dealing with Econs in the mysterious right way I will flunk left, right and center. Centre. Center.
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My mum brought back brief respite after my cousin's wedding in S.F. And these surpass anything for early birthday presents.

• Garden State soundtrack, where Iron and Wine is good brew indeed.
• Counting Crows' debut album, August and Everything After. I finally meet the Rain King and learn the secret of the name.
• Those ol' Daria movies, Is It Fall Yet? and Is It College Yet? which includes a totally wicked Mystik Spiral video. The crew is still unapologetic and unabashedly satirical, love the 'outtake' shots that rolled along with the credits (Quinn knocked over by a plant, flimsy set nearly killing Tom). The Quinn-directed jibes are oh so mean, but oh so funny -
• Quinn - Sandi said we have plenty of time to catch up next year.
  Helen - What about all the new things you'll have to learn then?
  Daria - Yeah. The second half of the alphabet is even harder than the first.
• Craig Thompson's latest, Carnet De Voyage, packaged like a little travel guide. Paul may have said that musicians spill their souls but I think it's the graphic novelists who do it for a living. Dependingly lyrical: "Valery says he prefers drawings of women to photos, because photographs can be insincere/intrusive - they steal an image, while a drawing is an active interaction and interpretation. You can look at a Baudoin drawing and know he cares for the girl."

And that's enough for now.

I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow / Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows / One for sorrow / Two for joy / Three for girls and four for boys / Five for silver / Six for gold and / Seven for a secret never to be told

Over and Over Stitch

"[Writing music's] all a bit revealing. John Lennon wrote, 'Mother you had me, but I never had you' and that's just amazing. I wouldn't want anybody to know that much about me that I don't know."
- Paul Bettany